Vague memory of a dream I saw today part 3:
It’s been a long since I saw you in my dreams; well, I really don’t know why you struck past today into one and that after so long. Somebody woke me up, and I was thankful to them because if they won’t done that, I would have just believed that all of this was happening in true life.
Let’s start from the start; this was the scene from the college or the school. I was in the corridor, and you were with someone. I saw you, and you gave a slight smile; I just turned my head down(which is something I might be doing if we ever met). You came close to me and said, “Tumpe earing suit nhi kerte hai,” and I just took that word. I replied, “I thought they look good on you, so I also gave it a try,” I said that in a shallow voice…Probably in my head…LOL. I couldn’t speak a single word to you; I was so ashamed at that very point. My voice got stuck, and I was just… What could I say? I was happy that you at least said something to me. I thought we would never ever meet or talk to each other ever.
The next scene was from my Moradabad; I was at my cousin’s place, and you were too; I think you were a friend of my other cousin; we both were in the same room but on different beds. 5 m apart, but that gap was like the gap of the Grand Canyon, I could literally feel that in my chest. You were working, and I stared at you with low eyes. In my heart, I really wanted to come closer and talk to you, but my throat just got stuck. It was like I had become dumb…my voice box got stuck, and I couldn’t speak even if I wanted to. You looked still the same, precisely the same; you might have changed in the real world. But for me, you are still the same in my dreams, the same person that I met 9 years ago, the same. Writing down this line makes me remember the time I first met you. The chubby girl in the shirt and a blue skirt, a tight fit. Kinda feels nostalgic that 9 years have passed since then. How time just flies like a never waiting wind.
In the dream, there were moments when you were sitting next to me, and still, I couldn’t speak a word forward. I just took out the novel from the bag and begin reading it. I did sense tension in the air around us. I could feel it in my chest. It was not just me who couldn’t speak. It was both of us. I can see you trying your hardest to control yourself to keep up with the phase, but deep down, either of us craves closure. I could see you resisting it. Sadly, I didn’t have enough guts to say something. You left the room for work for a moment, and I broke into tears. When you returned, I covered my eyes so they won’t be visible. For a moment, I thought you might notice and have little sympathy for the poor soul, but somewhere you never cared to at least give a look, I soaked up all the tears and began reading the book. And the next moment, I was awake.
I feel like this might be how if we ever met. I couldn’t meet your eyes. Maybe I won’t be able to speak; the first words might be by you, and that too leading with a dead silence by my side. You might be the one praising me for speaking up. I might break into tears, but sadly my stone-cold heart won’t allow me to tell of my deeds.
~B
